Assmaster

So I am sitting here in my room at 5am with Phil helping him with his research paper. This is really great you know. I haven't been sleeping well of late, but I think it is probably because of my increasing unhealthy lifestyle.

God just all I do anymore is sleep, sex, smoke, go to class, smoke, eat, sex, sleep, and there really isn't any particular order. Its bland and confusing and really fucking me up, but it isn't bad so I'm not really complaining, but I would prefer to be on a somewhat more normal schedule.

Phil is freaking out again because he doesn't know how to operate a computer, and he is making me really irritable because of it. I could of gotten laid tonight. Eh... I'm still deciding if this was more fun. It's close right now. I basically wrote most of the paper for him so far, but it is not that close to being finished, but it ain't all due tomorrow so it's no biggy.

Sorry for being gone so long. A lot of stuff has happened but it hasn't been particularly interesting although I am sure that I will catch you up on a few things in coming posts.

Right now I want to talk about anal sex. The first time I stuck my schlong in a girls ass I about cried. I mean shit (no pun intended), but damn it hurts. The initial sensation can be described as something like sticking a hot dog into a pencil sharpener. It just isn't meant to fit.

However, once you start to move in deeper (remember keep it slow at first fellas, your not harpooning a whale)... Anyway once you start thrusting goodn'deep she is gonna open up a lil' for you and then you can start having some fun. Pop your nut in er' butt and call it a night. I have heard that some girls can get pleasure from it, but in my case...that wasn't the case. Either way I had a good time. Dick is gonna probably be a little sore in the morning though, but in my opinion it is worth a try for sure. Overall, anal sex, one thumb up, one thumb in the butt.

Enjoi!

I’m in class right now. Its another rainy day in Tally. I’m craving a cigarette right now, and I have been forced to walk all the across campus to the stadium to listen to another chinky lecture from my public speaking professor.

It is all really quite annoying, because he is trying to be very funny, and he is only mildly funny, and I am even less amused because he is talking about the criteria for a speech that I have already made. It is like listening to a very detailed list of all the mistakes I made. It was a bad choice of topic all things considered. The History of American Politics is a little too dense for 8 o clock in the morning, but I couldn’t think of a good topic and I more or less got stuck with a speech that probably could of gone on for an hour, but was condense into seven minutes. He is probably gay, but I really can’t tell.

Anyway this week was alright. I’m really looking to wind it down with a bang. I think I am going to make a daiquiri as soon as I get back from classes today. Just killing the time I got left.

I don’t want to get too sidetracked with this though. The topic this week is my love life, but seriously, when hasn’t it been. I know I’m really narcissistic, but just shut-up already. A lot of dudes would probably say I am crazy. I have had plenty of opportunities to have hot girlfriends, but for the most part I have turned it down. It is weird how things work out. I am always chasing girls that I probably wont ever get, and then when perfectly decent girls chase me I don’t like it. To be honest I don’t think I have ever really fancied having any sort of relationship. It always ends up being a GD hassle. It gets to a point when everything she says annoys the shit out of you. I just try to avoid that now as much as possible to get away from any type of complication or potential sadness on the female side.

It most often will lead to one part being hurt so at this point, what is the point. Wow, I am becoming such a cynic. On the flip side of this two headed coin, I also want to hook up with a lot more girls before I “wife up” as Phil calls it. I just don’t see the need for it. If I wanted to bitched at by girls I would just turn gay.

So I starting before the weekend, but the weekend post turned out to be way better then this shit so I wasn’t gonna post it, but what the hell, Enjoi!

In Love

Last night was sick! Maya and I were just chillin when Zack came out for a smoke with us and invited us to a keggar on the other side of campus. One and half games of ring of fire later and we were on our way through the pouring Tallahassee rain to a house near Degraff, and I was well on my way to getting drunk. We roll into this house and realize immediately that this party is awesome. The house is totally dark, neon lights, black lights, neon paint on the walls, smoke machine, keg, stripper pole, laser lights. It was probably the closest to a European rave party that I have ever been.
Either fucking way things started heating up pretty damn quickly. I think I was getting hit on by a guy for a while, but I blew that off to go look for some more beer and pussy. Filled up my cup, got fucked up, met a girl named Katy who was wasted and kept fucking with me about my name which apparently is the same as a poor African country. Shit the girl couldn't get enough of it. Finally when we went outside we ran into this kid named Chris who I had actually seen passed out on the couch earlier. Homeboy started speaking fucking German, Maya started speaking German, I started speaking Polish, Patrick thought he was from Southey, Chris was from Southey, they called each other out, somehow it turned out okay.
At one point I tried to score some coke. Fail. Being neither here nor there, I was drunk. So we came back to Landis after laying down some freestyle out back. We played another game of ring of fire with Z-Baby then I return to my room.
The plot definitely thickened after I got back. But that shit is for my eyes only motherfuckers so fuck you. I will tell you this though. I fulfilled all my goals for last night.
Intergalactic Keggar tonight. I don't know if I can make it, but I'm going.

Saturday

It's Saturday night and me Chelsea, Maya, and Patrick are just sitting in my room occasionally chain smoking and looking for something to do. I am a little anxious because i took last night off and everyone got super hammered, so I'm looking to make up for it tonight. I'm guessing that at the very least I will end up either in a strange bed or in a field somewhere on the outskirts of Tallahassee. Probably covered in sweat and alcohol and smelling of a hot girls pussy. Either way I'm having sex! Love me!