Assmaster

So I am sitting here in my room at 5am with Phil helping him with his research paper. This is really great you know. I haven't been sleeping well of late, but I think it is probably because of my increasing unhealthy lifestyle.

God just all I do anymore is sleep, sex, smoke, go to class, smoke, eat, sex, sleep, and there really isn't any particular order. Its bland and confusing and really fucking me up, but it isn't bad so I'm not really complaining, but I would prefer to be on a somewhat more normal schedule.

Phil is freaking out again because he doesn't know how to operate a computer, and he is making me really irritable because of it. I could of gotten laid tonight. Eh... I'm still deciding if this was more fun. It's close right now. I basically wrote most of the paper for him so far, but it is not that close to being finished, but it ain't all due tomorrow so it's no biggy.

Sorry for being gone so long. A lot of stuff has happened but it hasn't been particularly interesting although I am sure that I will catch you up on a few things in coming posts.

Right now I want to talk about anal sex. The first time I stuck my schlong in a girls ass I about cried. I mean shit (no pun intended), but damn it hurts. The initial sensation can be described as something like sticking a hot dog into a pencil sharpener. It just isn't meant to fit.

However, once you start to move in deeper (remember keep it slow at first fellas, your not harpooning a whale)... Anyway once you start thrusting goodn'deep she is gonna open up a lil' for you and then you can start having some fun. Pop your nut in er' butt and call it a night. I have heard that some girls can get pleasure from it, but in my case...that wasn't the case. Either way I had a good time. Dick is gonna probably be a little sore in the morning though, but in my opinion it is worth a try for sure. Overall, anal sex, one thumb up, one thumb in the butt.

Dear Mom, Send Paper and Antibiotics

Oh shit. I haven't been writing much, but I guess that is what happens when you have a shit load of stuff going on in your real life. It doesn't leave much time to take care of your cyber reality. But guess what... I'm back mothafuckas, and I know you missed me so I am going to make this post really good.
Okay I'll admit it. I was in a really emo mood last post. I couldn't help it. Things were getting emotional. I'll get to that in a minute, but for now I have to explain what is happening this very moment. I'm talking as-I-am-writing-this. Well I woke up this morning and what do you know, my left eye is fucking stuck shut. Pink eye. Fuck! I'm gonna go to Thaggard tomorrow morning for some much needed medication, but right now I am fucking suffering through a research paper that I have to write and it sucks because I don't think that staring at this screen for twelve hours is good for my eye. Either way the eye is just a nuisance, and I have been medicating myself with dip so I'm all good for the time being. Hold on... okay just put another lip in. We're good.
So apart from my bum eye, I am also running low on paper. That is an easier fix though and really kind of pointless, but I thought it made for an interesting title so I just thought I would mention it.
Other than that I have continued to master the art of procrastination. In fact I am procrastinating right now. The night is still young though. There really isn't anything I can do. I thrive on the pressure of completing things at the last minute. It invigorates me in a really sadistic way. Sometimes I wonder how I am going to make it in the professional world. I mean some things cant be finished the night before they are due you know? Then I remember, fuck the professional world. Some of us just aren't cut out for that type of responsibility. Oh good. Tiny Dancer just came on Pandora. Love me.
I tell you what though. This week really went to hell fast. It's not even because of this bacteria eroding my eye either. I found out that Gasparilla is going to be shitty this year. A. because there is a 70% chance of rain, and B. because they are cracking down on drinking in a very big way this year. WTF that is what it's all about. God, people these days. I don't fucking understand it anymore. I mean its like the one day out of the year that getting completely shit faced in public is acceptable. Well I guess not anymore. Bullshit. I can't go anyway because I found out on Monday that I have to make a speech for class on Monday at 8AM and I haven't even started on it yet. Well, whatever, I guess there is always next year. So the dreariness of the situation continues.
Basically the only good thing going on is the this girl that I have been seeing lately. Just totally down for anything and everything. My kind of girl in a lot of ways. She'll be gone this weekend though. I feel like shit anyway. I probably won't go out this weekend unless I feel better, but it might be nice just to raise my spirits a little. Unfortunately everyone with even the slightest hankering to really party will probably be in Tampa. Seriously, everyone is going to be upset when they find out I am not coming home. I'm like the best thing that happened to that town since Cuba.
Maybe I am incapable of love anymore. Again my inability to feel anything seems to be meddling with my affairs. Wow I am honest. Still, I can't help it. The truth I have heard often makes things more interesting that lies. Think about that sometime if you want to make your life more interesting.
Well other then this bullshit, the only other thing on my mind is where I am going to live next year. If anyone needs a roommate hit me up.
Okay playboys and playgirls that's about it. Hope your weekend is better than mine.

Rain

Standing outside Landis on an otherwise typically rainy, cold night in the city. Its darker than usual no stars, no moon just the blurred lights from windows above. Flick the lighter and cover the cigarette with my hand warming it slightly, but only for a moment. I take a drag. Exhale. A silhouette of a darkened figured, smoke slowly billowing through the rain can be seen standing under the overhang. I walk into the rain, and look up to the fourth floor where I had just been. Take another drag, and ponder muddled thoughts.
The night is late and my mind is blurry. Probably loosing some of my sanity as the day went on. It didn't get any better tonight. A drought on the inside, a monsoon on the outside. It is only Wednesday.
Desire.
I have told you that I was in love once.

Hubble Telescopes

Okay so cheers to all of you who were begging for more over Christmas break, I really appriciate your loyalty. There's just two problems.

1. I wasn't on campus. So how could I accurately portray what is going on here?
2. No one was begging for more. WTF?!

So if you are really curious as to what happened over break I can sum it up in one long ass sentence. I worked at the animal hospital, worked at some chicks, , worked on some trucks, worked on my dipping skills, got drunk, fucked my laptop up. So I really didn't do much. It was nice seeing everyone though. Much love to Keegan, Alec, Chris (the gimp), my bro, Stevo, Ped, Shawn, K-baby, S-baby, Mad Money Matt, George, and everyone else.

So now I've been back on campus for about 5 days and so much has already happened. First of all last night was funny as sin. Eric was tanking it as usual. He ended up passed out on the bathroom floor leaving him totally vulnerable to a tagging which I still owed him. He got a nice big cock on his chest before we got him back to good ole' Landis Hall just before 5 AM.

I have been walking around campus this week going to class etc. and it seems like there are even more baby girls here then last semester. Its really getting tough to stay composed for class these days . I really need to start getting my dick out in the open more, but my financial situation is in peril due to this laptop fiasco. What I really need now is a good old fashioned booty call. So if you know anybody....

On a more important note, and for that matter the purpose of this blog, fellas, you gotta stop bringing creatures back just so you can get your nut. Look I understand the whole drunk goggles thing, but c'mon there is a line that you just don't want to cross.

I was watching Gran Torino with Phil in his room on Friday night, when his unamed roomate returned fairly intoxicated and said, "Okay look guys I'm gonna need to use the room I got a chica coming up." Phil and I were immidiately suspicious due to this unamed character's reputation (i.e. Ashley) which we immidiately confronted him about. Phil had a great line when he said, "Would I be doing you a favor by leaving?" Now in all seriousness guys, that is the question that must be answered before any sexual action should be taken. If you can't justify the lay then it simply shouldn't be executed.

I, however took the high road in the situation and suggested that we leave the room because I had not seen the girl and assumed that judgement would best be left to the kid making the judgment, and not to Phil since Phil standards are usually unreasonably high and since he has yet to bring a chick back to their room. So we left and natually steaked out to see the chick. Unfortunately we could not get a good view. Nevertheless, Andrew assured me that she was in fact not worthy. Andrew had a classic line when he explained that this untimely inturreruption to a great Clint film was due to Unamed Roomate's "Drunk hubble telescopes."

So the lesson here is take what you can get when you can get it, but if it sucks be ready to endure the consequences of your friends who will undoubtedly not let you live it down.

I Love FSU

Finals

Woah okay so finals week is over and wtf. Look I'm the kind of guy that typically doesn't study, but hey its college so I'll give it a chance. Forty-eight hours later and I'm thinking it wasn't such a good idea. I got all my shit done though. One final paper, one essay, three exams, and its not so bad.
Okay so here is a quick tip. Study aids are great, especially the prescription kind. I tried something new this time around. Not a lot of people know that the commonly found over-the-counter headache medicine Excedrin has a decent amount of caffeine and other stimulating substances in it. So a couple nights ago I took about five while I was studying. Mistake. Not a mistake in that I couldn't study, because I definitely could! But a mistake because I was probably close to having a hard attack, and when I went to the test at 7:30 AM I was totally tweaking out. Still, I feel great about the test, and staying up all night wasn't a bad idea either because some chick posted the answers to the study guide online at about 5 AM and I totally wouldn't have gotten all the answers if I hadn't of been up. Check mate.
Other than that though, you can usually get someone to hook you up with some prescription shit for ADD or ADHD. Now this is powerful shit and very effective for those of us who don't actually suffer from those dreadful ailments. However, I do not condone any of it. LOL.
So I got home yesterday (to Tampa) and totally crashed for about sixteen hours. Wake up and I got a call from a young lady still back in Tally telling me to "stop by" and "say goodbye" before I leave. Problem... I'm already home. Fuck! This totally sounds like one of those come-by-my-room-and-fuck-me-one-time-before-I-don't-see-you-for-a-month kinda deals. So once again I miss out on some prime time pussy. Typical. But now I'm home ready to fuck shit up as usual. I'm already missing FLorida State though. It's gonna be a long month away from Tally. Hopefully I'll have some fun down here. I'm keeping my fingers crossed. Good luck to those of you who have exams on Friday. As for me I'll be getting up real early to get my fish on.
Peace!

Tim Tebow Cries! Again!

A satisfying hung over day, not yet over. So I woke up, went down to the laundry room to wash my poptart stained sheets. That took longer than was expected because I really thought I was going to boke at any time. To make things worse, there was these really annoying Jewish chicks making Ladkas in the kitchen next to my room. That shit smelled fucking unbearable.
Okay so after all that trauma I finally finished my sheets and promptly returned to bed. Then I hear that Alabama was teaching Tebow a lesson about being gay and trying to play football. Lesson: It just doesn't work. God probably one of the best things I have seen in a while was when they showed Tim crying on the sidelines at the end of the game, and then they immediately cut to a shot of some Alabama players doing the gator chomp. I almost cried myself, I was laughing so hard.
Tim Tebow reminds me of those kids in high school who take sports way to seriously and then cry after the coach takes them out of the game. GD, Tim Tebow=Pussy. I mean I really can't stress this enough. Anyway, even though this upset wasn't that big, it was still very satifying. Tebow loses his last college game. Unfortunately this means that I will have to watch ESPN cover his gay ass for the next week. They will probably show him more because they lost. Damn it! Leave me alone Tebow!
I went to the diner earlier, like I always do. Several coffes, two pancakes, eggs, sausage, bacon, and two french toasts later, I was rolling out of there. Why mention this at all? Well because there was this really good looking redhead in there who looked just like Amy Adams. I love redheads, and Amy Adams is like the hottest redhead ever. She is a freak too, and I love freaks, maybe even more than redheads. Unfortunately, if we had sex we probably wouldn't make it to the freaky stuff cuz I would blow within the first thirty seconds.