Dear Mom, Send Paper and Antibiotics

Oh shit. I haven't been writing much, but I guess that is what happens when you have a shit load of stuff going on in your real life. It doesn't leave much time to take care of your cyber reality. But guess what... I'm back mothafuckas, and I know you missed me so I am going to make this post really good.
Okay I'll admit it. I was in a really emo mood last post. I couldn't help it. Things were getting emotional. I'll get to that in a minute, but for now I have to explain what is happening this very moment. I'm talking as-I-am-writing-this. Well I woke up this morning and what do you know, my left eye is fucking stuck shut. Pink eye. Fuck! I'm gonna go to Thaggard tomorrow morning for some much needed medication, but right now I am fucking suffering through a research paper that I have to write and it sucks because I don't think that staring at this screen for twelve hours is good for my eye. Either way the eye is just a nuisance, and I have been medicating myself with dip so I'm all good for the time being. Hold on... okay just put another lip in. We're good.
So apart from my bum eye, I am also running low on paper. That is an easier fix though and really kind of pointless, but I thought it made for an interesting title so I just thought I would mention it.
Other than that I have continued to master the art of procrastination. In fact I am procrastinating right now. The night is still young though. There really isn't anything I can do. I thrive on the pressure of completing things at the last minute. It invigorates me in a really sadistic way. Sometimes I wonder how I am going to make it in the professional world. I mean some things cant be finished the night before they are due you know? Then I remember, fuck the professional world. Some of us just aren't cut out for that type of responsibility. Oh good. Tiny Dancer just came on Pandora. Love me.
I tell you what though. This week really went to hell fast. It's not even because of this bacteria eroding my eye either. I found out that Gasparilla is going to be shitty this year. A. because there is a 70% chance of rain, and B. because they are cracking down on drinking in a very big way this year. WTF that is what it's all about. God, people these days. I don't fucking understand it anymore. I mean its like the one day out of the year that getting completely shit faced in public is acceptable. Well I guess not anymore. Bullshit. I can't go anyway because I found out on Monday that I have to make a speech for class on Monday at 8AM and I haven't even started on it yet. Well, whatever, I guess there is always next year. So the dreariness of the situation continues.
Basically the only good thing going on is the this girl that I have been seeing lately. Just totally down for anything and everything. My kind of girl in a lot of ways. She'll be gone this weekend though. I feel like shit anyway. I probably won't go out this weekend unless I feel better, but it might be nice just to raise my spirits a little. Unfortunately everyone with even the slightest hankering to really party will probably be in Tampa. Seriously, everyone is going to be upset when they find out I am not coming home. I'm like the best thing that happened to that town since Cuba.
Maybe I am incapable of love anymore. Again my inability to feel anything seems to be meddling with my affairs. Wow I am honest. Still, I can't help it. The truth I have heard often makes things more interesting that lies. Think about that sometime if you want to make your life more interesting.
Well other then this bullshit, the only other thing on my mind is where I am going to live next year. If anyone needs a roommate hit me up.
Okay playboys and playgirls that's about it. Hope your weekend is better than mine.

Rain

Standing outside Landis on an otherwise typically rainy, cold night in the city. Its darker than usual no stars, no moon just the blurred lights from windows above. Flick the lighter and cover the cigarette with my hand warming it slightly, but only for a moment. I take a drag. Exhale. A silhouette of a darkened figured, smoke slowly billowing through the rain can be seen standing under the overhang. I walk into the rain, and look up to the fourth floor where I had just been. Take another drag, and ponder muddled thoughts.
The night is late and my mind is blurry. Probably loosing some of my sanity as the day went on. It didn't get any better tonight. A drought on the inside, a monsoon on the outside. It is only Wednesday.
Desire.
I have told you that I was in love once.

The Freak In Me

Holy shit what a weekend. The Intergalactic Keggar was great. There were about one hundred people in a house made for six. Let me just start by saying that jello shots might be kind of girly, but shit maybe I'm a girl then cuz I was fiending those last night. We were outside waiting for the keg to get filled and this girl walks up and says, "hey we don't want this do you guys want it?" It was like a Tupperware box full of jello and vodka. Since nobody else wanted any I took the liberty of helping myself. So needless to say I was drunk, but feeling really good, and the party I would say was probably a success for almost everyone.
On a more serious note, however, I have reached a real milestone over the past couple days. Those of you who have read some of my past blogs know that I have always been on the lookout for a girl, and this weekend I may have just found one. God it was great.
I'm feeling real mentally solid right now. This semester is looking up on so many levels.
Now for today's lesson. Guys I know your probably just out looking to hook up, and you know I'm down for all that bullshit too. I mean seriously any day of the week ladies holla at me. I love getting down. There really isn't anything I can think of that is better. Now if only I could get my mothafuckin' nut. But I digress, dudes, don't be too concentrated on just hooking up that you forget about what you want. Conserve that shit while you are looking for the kind of girl that can make all your fantasies come true. I'm a freaky dude and I love to do extremely kinky things. There really isn't much I wouldn't try. Now maybe your not that type of guy, but unless your a fucking priest I'm sure you have a couple things that you wouldn't mind a girl to do besides sucking on your nuts. So when it comes right down to it, just be on the look out for that kinky girl, if that's what your into. I don't know maybe I'm just bullshitting myself right now. I mean I don't know many guys who are into the kind of stuff I'm into. Well we wont get into that, unless your a lady in which case call me if you want more information.
Okay well thanks for a great weekend Tallahassee. I'm getting back to the streets tomorrow to keep the grind grinding. Peace.

In Love

Last night was sick! Maya and I were just chillin when Zack came out for a smoke with us and invited us to a keggar on the other side of campus. One and half games of ring of fire later and we were on our way through the pouring Tallahassee rain to a house near Degraff, and I was well on my way to getting drunk. We roll into this house and realize immediately that this party is awesome. The house is totally dark, neon lights, black lights, neon paint on the walls, smoke machine, keg, stripper pole, laser lights. It was probably the closest to a European rave party that I have ever been.
Either fucking way things started heating up pretty damn quickly. I think I was getting hit on by a guy for a while, but I blew that off to go look for some more beer and pussy. Filled up my cup, got fucked up, met a girl named Katy who was wasted and kept fucking with me about my name which apparently is the same as a poor African country. Shit the girl couldn't get enough of it. Finally when we went outside we ran into this kid named Chris who I had actually seen passed out on the couch earlier. Homeboy started speaking fucking German, Maya started speaking German, I started speaking Polish, Patrick thought he was from Southey, Chris was from Southey, they called each other out, somehow it turned out okay.
At one point I tried to score some coke. Fail. Being neither here nor there, I was drunk. So we came back to Landis after laying down some freestyle out back. We played another game of ring of fire with Z-Baby then I return to my room.
The plot definitely thickened after I got back. But that shit is for my eyes only motherfuckers so fuck you. I will tell you this though. I fulfilled all my goals for last night.
Intergalactic Keggar tonight. I don't know if I can make it, but I'm going.

Saturday

It's Saturday night and me Chelsea, Maya, and Patrick are just sitting in my room occasionally chain smoking and looking for something to do. I am a little anxious because i took last night off and everyone got super hammered, so I'm looking to make up for it tonight. I'm guessing that at the very least I will end up either in a strange bed or in a field somewhere on the outskirts of Tallahassee. Probably covered in sweat and alcohol and smelling of a hot girls pussy. Either way I'm having sex! Love me!

Ask Kayla

Who the fuck is Kayla? I don't know, but fuck you whoever you are. Stop filling campus with your bullshit. I have spent hours trying to find you online to no avail. But don't you worry cuz tomorrow I'm starting my own advertisement campaign on campus. It's gonna be called Fuck Kayla!
Dammit some fucks already beat me to it. Well I'll be dammed.

Hubble Telescopes

Okay so cheers to all of you who were begging for more over Christmas break, I really appriciate your loyalty. There's just two problems.

1. I wasn't on campus. So how could I accurately portray what is going on here?
2. No one was begging for more. WTF?!

So if you are really curious as to what happened over break I can sum it up in one long ass sentence. I worked at the animal hospital, worked at some chicks, , worked on some trucks, worked on my dipping skills, got drunk, fucked my laptop up. So I really didn't do much. It was nice seeing everyone though. Much love to Keegan, Alec, Chris (the gimp), my bro, Stevo, Ped, Shawn, K-baby, S-baby, Mad Money Matt, George, and everyone else.

So now I've been back on campus for about 5 days and so much has already happened. First of all last night was funny as sin. Eric was tanking it as usual. He ended up passed out on the bathroom floor leaving him totally vulnerable to a tagging which I still owed him. He got a nice big cock on his chest before we got him back to good ole' Landis Hall just before 5 AM.

I have been walking around campus this week going to class etc. and it seems like there are even more baby girls here then last semester. Its really getting tough to stay composed for class these days . I really need to start getting my dick out in the open more, but my financial situation is in peril due to this laptop fiasco. What I really need now is a good old fashioned booty call. So if you know anybody....

On a more important note, and for that matter the purpose of this blog, fellas, you gotta stop bringing creatures back just so you can get your nut. Look I understand the whole drunk goggles thing, but c'mon there is a line that you just don't want to cross.

I was watching Gran Torino with Phil in his room on Friday night, when his unamed roomate returned fairly intoxicated and said, "Okay look guys I'm gonna need to use the room I got a chica coming up." Phil and I were immidiately suspicious due to this unamed character's reputation (i.e. Ashley) which we immidiately confronted him about. Phil had a great line when he said, "Would I be doing you a favor by leaving?" Now in all seriousness guys, that is the question that must be answered before any sexual action should be taken. If you can't justify the lay then it simply shouldn't be executed.

I, however took the high road in the situation and suggested that we leave the room because I had not seen the girl and assumed that judgement would best be left to the kid making the judgment, and not to Phil since Phil standards are usually unreasonably high and since he has yet to bring a chick back to their room. So we left and natually steaked out to see the chick. Unfortunately we could not get a good view. Nevertheless, Andrew assured me that she was in fact not worthy. Andrew had a classic line when he explained that this untimely inturreruption to a great Clint film was due to Unamed Roomate's "Drunk hubble telescopes."

So the lesson here is take what you can get when you can get it, but if it sucks be ready to endure the consequences of your friends who will undoubtedly not let you live it down.