Assmaster

So I am sitting here in my room at 5am with Phil helping him with his research paper. This is really great you know. I haven't been sleeping well of late, but I think it is probably because of my increasing unhealthy lifestyle.

God just all I do anymore is sleep, sex, smoke, go to class, smoke, eat, sex, sleep, and there really isn't any particular order. Its bland and confusing and really fucking me up, but it isn't bad so I'm not really complaining, but I would prefer to be on a somewhat more normal schedule.

Phil is freaking out again because he doesn't know how to operate a computer, and he is making me really irritable because of it. I could of gotten laid tonight. Eh... I'm still deciding if this was more fun. It's close right now. I basically wrote most of the paper for him so far, but it is not that close to being finished, but it ain't all due tomorrow so it's no biggy.

Sorry for being gone so long. A lot of stuff has happened but it hasn't been particularly interesting although I am sure that I will catch you up on a few things in coming posts.

Right now I want to talk about anal sex. The first time I stuck my schlong in a girls ass I about cried. I mean shit (no pun intended), but damn it hurts. The initial sensation can be described as something like sticking a hot dog into a pencil sharpener. It just isn't meant to fit.

However, once you start to move in deeper (remember keep it slow at first fellas, your not harpooning a whale)... Anyway once you start thrusting goodn'deep she is gonna open up a lil' for you and then you can start having some fun. Pop your nut in er' butt and call it a night. I have heard that some girls can get pleasure from it, but in my case...that wasn't the case. Either way I had a good time. Dick is gonna probably be a little sore in the morning though, but in my opinion it is worth a try for sure. Overall, anal sex, one thumb up, one thumb in the butt.

Enjoi!

I’m in class right now. Its another rainy day in Tally. I’m craving a cigarette right now, and I have been forced to walk all the across campus to the stadium to listen to another chinky lecture from my public speaking professor.

It is all really quite annoying, because he is trying to be very funny, and he is only mildly funny, and I am even less amused because he is talking about the criteria for a speech that I have already made. It is like listening to a very detailed list of all the mistakes I made. It was a bad choice of topic all things considered. The History of American Politics is a little too dense for 8 o clock in the morning, but I couldn’t think of a good topic and I more or less got stuck with a speech that probably could of gone on for an hour, but was condense into seven minutes. He is probably gay, but I really can’t tell.

Anyway this week was alright. I’m really looking to wind it down with a bang. I think I am going to make a daiquiri as soon as I get back from classes today. Just killing the time I got left.

I don’t want to get too sidetracked with this though. The topic this week is my love life, but seriously, when hasn’t it been. I know I’m really narcissistic, but just shut-up already. A lot of dudes would probably say I am crazy. I have had plenty of opportunities to have hot girlfriends, but for the most part I have turned it down. It is weird how things work out. I am always chasing girls that I probably wont ever get, and then when perfectly decent girls chase me I don’t like it. To be honest I don’t think I have ever really fancied having any sort of relationship. It always ends up being a GD hassle. It gets to a point when everything she says annoys the shit out of you. I just try to avoid that now as much as possible to get away from any type of complication or potential sadness on the female side.

It most often will lead to one part being hurt so at this point, what is the point. Wow, I am becoming such a cynic. On the flip side of this two headed coin, I also want to hook up with a lot more girls before I “wife up” as Phil calls it. I just don’t see the need for it. If I wanted to bitched at by girls I would just turn gay.

So I starting before the weekend, but the weekend post turned out to be way better then this shit so I wasn’t gonna post it, but what the hell, Enjoi!

Okay Kids

This post is very important for several reasons.

1. Last night was the fucking bomb!
2. Don't try to imitate it in any way. This is for your own motherfucking safety okay.

Okay the night started out normal enough. I got hit up to go to a party with some of the Landis crowd. We drove over to this place that looked pretty legit and as soon as we got inside we started taking jello shots like total fucks. Just sucking them things up like a fucking vaccum. So I went outside to have a ciggy, and I'm just chilling with the girls and like 15 other people of the deck outside when some fat fucker jumps, and in a split second the whole fucking deck collapses. Everyone was already either drunk or close enough to think it was funny as shit. I'll admit it was rather funny, but there was a coffee table that basically crushed my knee when the thing went to shit so I was in a little pain and after taking a piss, I climbed back inside to take more shots. What a fucking mess. Things started to heat up after that. The keg arrived as well as some very homeless looking gypsies who were drunk as fuck, brought all of their gypsy luggage into the party with them, and were probably on acid by the way they were dancing. Fucking gypsies.

I was getting nice and we started raging to the band that was playing. Lyrics like "I'm gonna die tonight," but in a drunk way so it was cool. So somehow blow got brought up and we ended up looking for a place to get some. So fucked. Either way it happened after a really fucked ride with a guy named Black who actually turned out to be black.

Either way we got some shit and he took us to another party where we continued to get slammed and totally toasted. Everyone took there shirts off and I remember kinda getting bitten and danced on and totally raging for a long fucking time. Then we came back to campus and I was some how able to write "The world is yours" over my cock with sharpie before I brought back two chicks to good ole' Landis with me and did work for a few before one left, and I passed out.

Seriously kids, don't fucking do it. It was one night. It was amazing, but we can't all go around like fucking children all the time. It isn't fucking healthy.

All in all good night.

Dear Mom, Send Paper and Antibiotics

Oh shit. I haven't been writing much, but I guess that is what happens when you have a shit load of stuff going on in your real life. It doesn't leave much time to take care of your cyber reality. But guess what... I'm back mothafuckas, and I know you missed me so I am going to make this post really good.
Okay I'll admit it. I was in a really emo mood last post. I couldn't help it. Things were getting emotional. I'll get to that in a minute, but for now I have to explain what is happening this very moment. I'm talking as-I-am-writing-this. Well I woke up this morning and what do you know, my left eye is fucking stuck shut. Pink eye. Fuck! I'm gonna go to Thaggard tomorrow morning for some much needed medication, but right now I am fucking suffering through a research paper that I have to write and it sucks because I don't think that staring at this screen for twelve hours is good for my eye. Either way the eye is just a nuisance, and I have been medicating myself with dip so I'm all good for the time being. Hold on... okay just put another lip in. We're good.
So apart from my bum eye, I am also running low on paper. That is an easier fix though and really kind of pointless, but I thought it made for an interesting title so I just thought I would mention it.
Other than that I have continued to master the art of procrastination. In fact I am procrastinating right now. The night is still young though. There really isn't anything I can do. I thrive on the pressure of completing things at the last minute. It invigorates me in a really sadistic way. Sometimes I wonder how I am going to make it in the professional world. I mean some things cant be finished the night before they are due you know? Then I remember, fuck the professional world. Some of us just aren't cut out for that type of responsibility. Oh good. Tiny Dancer just came on Pandora. Love me.
I tell you what though. This week really went to hell fast. It's not even because of this bacteria eroding my eye either. I found out that Gasparilla is going to be shitty this year. A. because there is a 70% chance of rain, and B. because they are cracking down on drinking in a very big way this year. WTF that is what it's all about. God, people these days. I don't fucking understand it anymore. I mean its like the one day out of the year that getting completely shit faced in public is acceptable. Well I guess not anymore. Bullshit. I can't go anyway because I found out on Monday that I have to make a speech for class on Monday at 8AM and I haven't even started on it yet. Well, whatever, I guess there is always next year. So the dreariness of the situation continues.
Basically the only good thing going on is the this girl that I have been seeing lately. Just totally down for anything and everything. My kind of girl in a lot of ways. She'll be gone this weekend though. I feel like shit anyway. I probably won't go out this weekend unless I feel better, but it might be nice just to raise my spirits a little. Unfortunately everyone with even the slightest hankering to really party will probably be in Tampa. Seriously, everyone is going to be upset when they find out I am not coming home. I'm like the best thing that happened to that town since Cuba.
Maybe I am incapable of love anymore. Again my inability to feel anything seems to be meddling with my affairs. Wow I am honest. Still, I can't help it. The truth I have heard often makes things more interesting that lies. Think about that sometime if you want to make your life more interesting.
Well other then this bullshit, the only other thing on my mind is where I am going to live next year. If anyone needs a roommate hit me up.
Okay playboys and playgirls that's about it. Hope your weekend is better than mine.

Rain

Standing outside Landis on an otherwise typically rainy, cold night in the city. Its darker than usual no stars, no moon just the blurred lights from windows above. Flick the lighter and cover the cigarette with my hand warming it slightly, but only for a moment. I take a drag. Exhale. A silhouette of a darkened figured, smoke slowly billowing through the rain can be seen standing under the overhang. I walk into the rain, and look up to the fourth floor where I had just been. Take another drag, and ponder muddled thoughts.
The night is late and my mind is blurry. Probably loosing some of my sanity as the day went on. It didn't get any better tonight. A drought on the inside, a monsoon on the outside. It is only Wednesday.
Desire.
I have told you that I was in love once.

The Freak In Me

Holy shit what a weekend. The Intergalactic Keggar was great. There were about one hundred people in a house made for six. Let me just start by saying that jello shots might be kind of girly, but shit maybe I'm a girl then cuz I was fiending those last night. We were outside waiting for the keg to get filled and this girl walks up and says, "hey we don't want this do you guys want it?" It was like a Tupperware box full of jello and vodka. Since nobody else wanted any I took the liberty of helping myself. So needless to say I was drunk, but feeling really good, and the party I would say was probably a success for almost everyone.
On a more serious note, however, I have reached a real milestone over the past couple days. Those of you who have read some of my past blogs know that I have always been on the lookout for a girl, and this weekend I may have just found one. God it was great.
I'm feeling real mentally solid right now. This semester is looking up on so many levels.
Now for today's lesson. Guys I know your probably just out looking to hook up, and you know I'm down for all that bullshit too. I mean seriously any day of the week ladies holla at me. I love getting down. There really isn't anything I can think of that is better. Now if only I could get my mothafuckin' nut. But I digress, dudes, don't be too concentrated on just hooking up that you forget about what you want. Conserve that shit while you are looking for the kind of girl that can make all your fantasies come true. I'm a freaky dude and I love to do extremely kinky things. There really isn't much I wouldn't try. Now maybe your not that type of guy, but unless your a fucking priest I'm sure you have a couple things that you wouldn't mind a girl to do besides sucking on your nuts. So when it comes right down to it, just be on the look out for that kinky girl, if that's what your into. I don't know maybe I'm just bullshitting myself right now. I mean I don't know many guys who are into the kind of stuff I'm into. Well we wont get into that, unless your a lady in which case call me if you want more information.
Okay well thanks for a great weekend Tallahassee. I'm getting back to the streets tomorrow to keep the grind grinding. Peace.

In Love

Last night was sick! Maya and I were just chillin when Zack came out for a smoke with us and invited us to a keggar on the other side of campus. One and half games of ring of fire later and we were on our way through the pouring Tallahassee rain to a house near Degraff, and I was well on my way to getting drunk. We roll into this house and realize immediately that this party is awesome. The house is totally dark, neon lights, black lights, neon paint on the walls, smoke machine, keg, stripper pole, laser lights. It was probably the closest to a European rave party that I have ever been.
Either fucking way things started heating up pretty damn quickly. I think I was getting hit on by a guy for a while, but I blew that off to go look for some more beer and pussy. Filled up my cup, got fucked up, met a girl named Katy who was wasted and kept fucking with me about my name which apparently is the same as a poor African country. Shit the girl couldn't get enough of it. Finally when we went outside we ran into this kid named Chris who I had actually seen passed out on the couch earlier. Homeboy started speaking fucking German, Maya started speaking German, I started speaking Polish, Patrick thought he was from Southey, Chris was from Southey, they called each other out, somehow it turned out okay.
At one point I tried to score some coke. Fail. Being neither here nor there, I was drunk. So we came back to Landis after laying down some freestyle out back. We played another game of ring of fire with Z-Baby then I return to my room.
The plot definitely thickened after I got back. But that shit is for my eyes only motherfuckers so fuck you. I will tell you this though. I fulfilled all my goals for last night.
Intergalactic Keggar tonight. I don't know if I can make it, but I'm going.